My Style, My Brand, Myself

I love lace, clean lines and bows. I wear navy, burgundy, ballerina pink, dusty gray, and olive. I love plain leather flats and oxford heels, ribbed sweaters, totes and delicate jewelry. My wardrobe is largely comprised of dresses. I like stripes, LBDs and a pale pink manicure. I usually order a salad when I go out to eat and I drink my coffee black. I have short arms, dimpled knees, and a small face. It is obvious I have strong opinions on what I like. I am what you would call "self-aware." I readily accept those things about myself. When it comes to my character, however, I cannot list with any certainty who I am or what I like about myself. I know I was born with a certain disposition, but years of criticism and reinforcement have shaped me into who I am now; a rumpled up mess. It is my belief that a person is molded by the fear of being unaccepted. We as human-beings seek love and acceptance. We learn to enhance those lovable qualities and discard those others find unsightly. I have battled with the desire for love and the inability to find it while being myself. I know that I am worthy of love, but over time I have come to think of myself as an acquired taste. Not many people like me right off the bat and many more give up on me after getting to know me.

This blog of mine has made me reexamine myself; who I am, what makes me unique, and why my blog should make a difference. When I tried to genuinely list things about myself that make me worthy of a loving and supportive readership I couldn't think of anything. All of that abandonment has made me cautious and unsure. I want to lay all the blame on those deserters, but I know on the inside I hate myself for not being good enough for their attention and affection. I try to purge myself of the qualities that drove them away. At 24, I know what I like to wear and I know what I want for my body, but I can't seem to say with any sort of conviction that I love who I am because there are few in my life who love me for just being me. 

This is it, then. That realization that loving myself for who I am is plenty. Dita Von Teese has that famous quote,“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” If I am going to promote an image of self-love and acceptance it is my obligation to decide who I am and learn to love myself without any apologies. I am loyal and honest. I have many hopes and dreams. I love deeply and feel strongly. I am overly emotional and a little dramatic. I like time for myself but I get lonely. I am vain but also self-conscious. Consider this my personal branding. I'm a fierce girly girl. A little controversial, but always honest. I will have your back in a fight, but sometimes I'll be weak. I will never lead you astray, but I won't always make you happy either. 

Are you on board with this walking contradiction?